After years of falling for Englishmen, an American sought to understand her fixation—and found that she’s not alone.
The night I met George, the epitome of a charming Englishman, I
was immediately drawn to him. Even though he wasn’t stereotypically
handsome, he was delightful and quick to make fun of himself—and to
tease me: the typical American. We met at a bar as fellow expats in
Beijing. Within thirty seconds, we were flirting.
After a long night out wandering the city with George, he put me into
a cab. When he said goodbye, he grinned. “You do know I’m not Hugh
Grant, right?” he asked me before closing the cab door.
I’d like to think that I did know, but judging by how headfirst I was
diving into the relationship, I couldn’t have been sure. He was
English, witty, slightly bumbling, and had a crooked smile. He even had a
quintessentially British name. He was also part of an emerging pattern:
He wasn’t the first British guy I’d romantically clicked with. And he
wouldn’t be the last.
When I first moved to Beijing right after graduating from Brown, I
never intended to fall for so many English guys. It hadn’t even crossed
my mind, but after the aloof coolness of the hipsters who populated my
alma mater, Englishmen—with their jokes and their endearing awkwardness
and their humor—were a welcome change.
When I wrote my college friend Rachel about George, she wrote back: What
is with you and English guys? How does a girl from Texas end up with a
tendency to go after English guys? Developmentally, what happened to
you?
Three years and four English boyfriends later, I was left wondering
the same thing. In my defense, I’d say Gwyneth Paltrow, who recently
announced her separation from Chris Martin—who, in turn, blamed the
breakup on
his own lack of enthusiasm
for life—would probably understand the initial attraction. As would
Emma Stone (who is dating Brit Andrew Garfield). Or how about Jennifer
Lawrence (and her Englishman Nicholas Hoult)? Not to mention Gwen
Stefani (and her husband, Londoner Gavin Rossdale).
In my (albeit limited) experience, it seems like American women and
English men often find romance, yet American men and English women make
for unlikely couples. (Emily Blunt and John Krasinski are an exception.)
After interrogating men and women from both sides of the Atlantic, as
well as consulting an expert, a few theories emerged.
Jennifer, 29, an American married to a Londoner, thinks a lot of the
initial attraction to Englishmen boils down to the persuasive power of
romantic comedies starring Hugh Grant and the irresistible, charming
English human weapon known as Jude Law.
“It’s definitely those English romances that make British guys seem
so attractive, funny, witty, and proper,” she said. It’s certainly true
for me and other American women who live by Jane Austen’s canon and
never miss an episode of Downton Abbey: We’re primed to put
English men on a pedestal. This frequent phenomenon, paired with the
romantically timid disposition of many English men, works wonders.
“Most British men are terrified of rejection,” said Jean Smith, a
cultural anthropologist living in London. The American (who is married
to an Englishman, of course) conducted a study comparing the flirting
behaviors of New Yorkers and Londoners and concluded that of the four
demographics (English men, English women, American women, and American
men), English men are, by far, the most afraid of rejection. This would
seem like a setback for the men—but not if you happen to be courting an
American woman who hears Mr. Darcy every time you speak.